What the fuck, Dalai Lama?! U asshole!

I have just ran into what apparently is Dalai Lama’s code for a good life. Now, let me just say, that the guy may be Zen, and may have written these rules because he has never been in a relationship.

Nevertheless, DL, u son of a bitch!!! Somehow the women in my life have read this shit u came up with, so why the fuck ain’t I Zen?! I HATE YOU, YOU PRICK!

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

So, basically she’s like I love you so much, I’m like bitch, I’m at risk of loosing my balls here…she’s like, well great love involves great risks…shit!

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

First of all, I was always loosing. I even stopped trying after a while. And no matter what the war was about, there was only one lesson to be learned: “honey, I love you so much!”…

3. Follow the three Rs:
1. Respect for self
2. Respect for others
3. Responsibility for all your actions.

“I will never give you a bj! It’s beneath my dignity!” -  FUCK!
“I let you massage me because I know how you like to touch my body” – COCKMONKEY FUCK!
“honey, did you just fart?! WHAT!? How dare you! do you remember last Valentines that I was the only girl in the office that didn’t get flowers??!! – WHAT THE FUCK!!

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

A tear comes to my eye, thinking how lucky I have been all my life. My God! I could be a fucking millionaire, right Dalai?! U cocksucker!

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

It never worked. Breaking the rules means almost instant pain, asshole! But how would you know that? When was the last time you had to explain why do you get phone calls at 7 in the evening from some girl at the office?!! U ignorant prick!

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

Of course not! Just admit that you were WRONG! And apologize! Flowers are optional…

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

You got that right! What happened, some lady left you hungry for a few days?!!

8. Spend some time alone every day.

Like that’s even possible!! As soon as they feel you’re enjoying some alone time, if they’re not next to you to say some stupid shit like “u never talk to me anymore!”…be sure your phone will ring! But I guess you don’t have a phone, right?! LOSER!

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! What the hell, Dalai?!! Do even know, how many changes men have to go throgh just to hear some shit like “you’re not the guy u used to be?”… you are sooo pussy-whipped!!

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

SILENCE is NEVER the best answer! DO you love me? What do you have to say for your self? Aren’t you going to apologize? Who is she? NEVER go well with SILENCE, u little bitch!

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

FUCK YOU! OKAY?!! My therapist needs a therapist, motherfucker!

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

Do you love me? Yes I do! THEN GET DOWN AT THE FOUNDATION OF THIS HOME AND SUCK MY FOOT… How is that for loving atmosphere, huh?

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Son of a bitch! I guess the women I met went blind on this rule! Nice try DL, but not convincing enough I guess.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

Yeah SURE! Tell her  you have been talking with some other girl…and she will make SURE you will die! SLOWLY! PAINFULLY! That’s how they see immortality!

15. Be gentle with the earth.

Of course I always take the trash out! What are you, crazy?!

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

You mean like really trying to see what I want? What a beautiful dream…

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

My GOD! Apparently I have been living in a pink fluffy dream with pink ponies and pink shit around! DALAI, I swear I would totally hit you in the balls! Just to see what I mean!

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Well then, wasn’t she the queen of efficiency, then!

And to think this guy, dalai lama pretends to be friends with Jesus! God damn it!